There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
