areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
