I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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