the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
