Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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