Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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