he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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