I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
