i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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