hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
