Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
