I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
