perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
