Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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