It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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