Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
