dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
