Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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