you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's never too late to be topless.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
