the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
