I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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