I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
