Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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