I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I looked at my own cervix.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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