Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
