I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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