There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize