Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
