My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
