I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
