I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
