i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize