The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize