Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
