i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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