I just threw up on my dentist
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
