Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
