chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
