I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
