I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
pop tarts are not kleenex
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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