I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
