Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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