he puts the penis in happiness.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
