There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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