you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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