He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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