yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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