SEEEEXXX PLEASE
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
MIDGETS
????
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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