wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
