dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
