wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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