giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
