Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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