i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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