she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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