i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
try to milk me bitch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
