mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
