hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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