thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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