Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
