I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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