I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
