I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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