Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Found your dick twin last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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