I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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