wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
