nut hugger
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
