He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
