he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
