so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
