just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
