life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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